I had to learn to speak to Japanese people. I think that now I have a quite good level at it but still I find it quite hard sometimes. I am not talking about their level of English now, but about our cultural differences.

Usually when I am travelling to a foreign country I try to open my mind to a new way of talking, like in Rome. I become more understanding and think twice before taking any weird conclusion about something they might have said to me. For instance I avoid making jokes of people. Usually I would say something funny about the person I am with, trying not to hurt his feelings and smiling so that he knows I am joking. But not here, unless I know the person very well I try not to joke about them and direct those jokes to me instead. But then I obtain the opposite effect and instead of them laughing about my joke they try to console me. For instance if I tell them some stupid situation they would laugh but then they would tell something like “don’t worry, that’s normal, you are not so stupid” or something like that.

I am also avoiding boasting (it’s really tough for me you know that). Unless I am with my close friends I never boast. Instead I get a more submissive position and say “thank you, I feel flattered” even if they don’t understand what I am saying (I bow to make my point more clear). My Chinese friend is really surprised of how I always boast with him, I think that by now he is getting that I am not really serious about it (or am I?).

One thing I noticed during my first days about Japanese people is that they can’t say “No”. Every time you ask them if it would be proper if you did something and if they think it wouldn’t, they don’t tell you “No”. It is a cultural matter, in their own language they would go around and around and in the end you could reach the conclusion that they mean “No”. But they can’t do that in English because they don’t have such level so I usually have quite funny situations…

For instance the other day in Osaka we took this boat trip (I told you). As there wasn’t anything interesting in the outside to take photos I thought that I could take one to all of us. We were all sitting in some tables and it would be great to have taken a photo now that we were all in the same place. So before taking action I thought it would be more polite if I asked one of the Japanese that came with us if it would be ok if I got up in the boat to take a picture. Suddenly his face changed looked down, touched his chin and started grunting… he just couldn’t find the words! I was getting nervous; “Come on it’s a yes/no question!”. I tried to test him and pushed him a bit more repeating the question. In the end he was overwhelmed and he had to fight with his internal cultural morals and answered “I don’t zink so”. It’s really funny when they do this because they smile, they tilt their head slightly to the left and show you their open hand as though they were afraid if you were going to strike them back.

Another thing they cannot say is “I don’t know”. I suppose that saying this would mean for them like a failure, something dishonourable. My workmate Okuda-san showed me the laser cutting machine. It was so amazing, and as I am an engineer (have it in my blood) I can’t avoid asking questions. I asked him some things and at first he didn’t seem to have understood them. It could also be that he didn’t know the answer but as he didn’t tell me he didn’t know I persisted. If he told me he didn’t know I would just let it be, that’s ok, but as he seemed not to have understood my question I still continued asking. In the end (after 5 minutes of muttering) he produced his mobile phone an started clicking some buttons. I asked him what he was doing and told me that he was going to look for some laser engineer. So I realized he didn’t have a clue but that still he was trying to answer me even if it would mean waking up the president of Japan. I feel all this very dignifying, but come on, it is not practical.

The way they show if they understand is very funny. When you are talking to some Japanese guy, no matter how fast you speak that he will always nod (sometimes mutter) and look very interested in what you say. But then comes the time when you reach the end of your reasoning and ask a question. So at this point they can either remain silent as though you didn’t finish or either say “yes”. Either ways they haven’t understood a word of what you’ve said. So eventually you learn that at the end of your reasoning you shouldn’t ask “is it correct?” or “Do you think that’s ok?” because if their answer is “Yes” you are never sure if they really meant it. So lately I have improved my skill and I ask “what do you think about this?” instead. There is no way of dodging that one >:]

Then there’s also the negative question stuff. So when you ask them some question in a negative way their answer is the opposite of what you understand. So if you ask them “I shouldn’t I do it?” and if their answer is “Yes” then you have a problem. Because if they say “yes” they mean “Yes, that’s correct, you SHOULDN’T do it. This is a tough topic to me because I often use this type of negative questions and you can really get into trouble since you understand just the opposite of what they mean. I always have this problem with Nan the Chinese guy, since their grammar is similar and commit the same “mistake”. At least we can easily understand each other and we explain what we mean, so it is ok. My most common phrase with him is “Yes what? Yes-yes or yes-no?“.

And finally we reach the last straw! Happens really often to me that I ask my colleges at work a question with two possibilities: “do I do this OR that?”.  And their answer is “Yes” !!! I don’t know what they mean with this; if they don’t understand the question, if I can do either of them, if I can do the second thing… Really complicated… at least I am working my patience… I think that when I come back I will talk in English more with my mom and won’t mind so much her talking speed.

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